Heard Island
& McDonald Islands

 Office of the Spokes-Penguin

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

HEARD ISLAND & McDONALD ISLANDS
SLAPS U.S.  WITH CLIMATE
AND GARBAGE TARIFFS*

April 4, 2025


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In direct response to the reckless policies of Donald Trump and his administration, Heard Island & McDonald Islands (HIMI) is imposing a 2000% tariff for each additional Celsius degree recorded annually, due to unregulated climate policies and increased fossil fuel consumption (one extra degree Celsius equals 1.8°F — just so you know). This will be accompanied by a new, escalating tariff on plastic pollution arriving via ocean currents.

The government authority of the King Penguin community, democratically elected, has reached a unanimous decision to impose these tariffs on their human counterparts from the United States of America. While they send extra Celsius degrees all year long — making our chilled life not that chill — we’re only sending good vibes and high-quality documentary footage, for which, we might add, we have not been properly compensated.

While Trump and his cabinet continue to ignore science, we do not. As our motherland is being erased and our shores choke with foreign waste, we will no longer tolerate Washington’s arrogance. Any further environmental or economic aggression will be met with severe consequences, including restrictions on unsolicited human interference and a firm refusal for any of our King Penguinian citizens to participate in aquatic zoos of any kind, anywhere.


The ice may be melting,
but our resistance is frozen solid.


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Chief Spokes-Penguin
Office of Antarctic Sovereignty.
Heard Island & McDonald Islands





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DISCLAIMER:
This piece is a work of satire, created for the purpose of commentary and creative expression. While fictional, it highlights very real concerns: animals, ecosystems, and vulnerable environments like Antarctica are caught in the crossfire of human-driven climate change and economic policy. Just because they’re not human doesn’t mean they’re not victims.

If this made you smile—or think—please consider supporting organizations like the Antarctic and Southern Ocean Coalition (ASOC) and others working to protect life on our shared planet.

Jaime Jimenez & Alejandro Ortiz.
04.04. 2025

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